I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
there was a trapeze. enough said
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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