you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
