I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
