im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize