biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
