I love black thongs
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize