went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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