Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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