I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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