id be glad to
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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