She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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