just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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