it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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