last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
