You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
