toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
