if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Mom said you looked used
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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