Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
