easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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