The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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