Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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