every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
