ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
