at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
