Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
