just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
