I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
