4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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