Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize