you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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