he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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