I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
