Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
