I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
