Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
