worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
