i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
