new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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