I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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