Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
