Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
