i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
