just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
