Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
