sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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