Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
