mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
