Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
