The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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