you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
