i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
