tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize