We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
