All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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