I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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