so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
