I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
