Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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