onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
