a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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