just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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