if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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