One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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