new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Blood and glitter go together right?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize