Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
