Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
