it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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