Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
