glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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