but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
